How I Convinced My Husband. . .

I see a lot of women online asking “how do I get my husband to spank me,” or “how do I get my husband interested in domestic discipline,” or something of that nature. My husband was not even aware of domestic discipline when we got together and he was quite vanilla sexually as well. It took a long time to get him to the place that he is now, and it wasn’t easy. Our relationship may have progressed faster if I was able to vocalize exactly what I wanted and expected, but I was shy. It has always been difficult for me to express that I feel like I need to be spanked and punished and that I am into different thigs sexually. I am always afraid of freaking someone out and scaring them off. I had eased my husband into it over the course of a year. I started out by simply telling him I liked to be spanked. I’m sure he assumed I meant just sexually, and I let him think that because I wasn’t about to tell him that I liked my bottom beat for punishment. So he would playfully spank me while we were in bed. Then I told him that I liked to be dominated. I like the feeling of being helpless and the lack of control. So he would exercise power over me sexually from time to time. When I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I wanted him to punish me that’s where we ran into problems. Like any man with a good mother, he was raised that hitting women is wrong. He wasn’t comfortable causing me pain or treating me like a child. I think this is a common problem. I took my time with him and I didn’t push. If I had pushed too hard I think it would have completely turned him off to the idea. He would have been too uncomfortable and it would have just caused arguments instead of progress. So I took my time and slowly got him more comfortable with the idea of spanking me. I explained to him that it was consentual and I was asking him to do it, so he didn’t need to look at it like he was hurting me. He would spank me from time to time, but for him it was more sexual than anything. Each time he would spank me, I would show him how submissive it made me feel, and I think he liked that. At this point, whenever he would spank me I would have to ask for it. Something I hated to do. I would basically beg him to spank me without me having to ask, but he never did. This was my fault. He didn’t know when to spank me. We didn’t have rules set and he felt weird just telling me to bend over for a spanking for no reason. After a while, he told me he sort of enjoyed spanking me and he was getting more comfortable with it, but he still didn’t know when to punish me. Finally, after about a year, I got the guts to sit down with him and explain to him exactly what I wanted. We would have had a lot less problems if I had done this in the first place, I think. I sat him down and showed him other domestic discipline blogs and videos to give him a better idea of what I was expecting. It was very hard for me, as a submissive, to tell him what I wanted and what I was looking for. It was also difficult to have to show my husband how to dominate me, but I did it. After I explained to him what domestic discipline was and told him that I wanted to write a list of rules that, if broken, he would punish me for, he agreed to participate. I was elated. We discussed rules, punishments, maintenance spankings, and how this would benefit our marriage. Once I was finally able to make him understand, things got a lot better. He finally started spanking me without me having to ask. He got into it and even started mixing it up with different implements. We still have a long road a head and a lot of bumps to iron out, but we have made a lot of progress.
My advice:
Take it slow, Rome wasn’t built in a day and it will take some time to warm your partner up to the idea of having this sort of relationship. Just like building any sort of relationship takes time, building one this intimate takes a lot of communication, honesty, and TIME.
Communicate. This was my biggest problem because I wasn’t able to vocalize my expectations. I just sort of expected him to figure it out and take it from there, but he was completely in the dark and had no idea what to do. Once I was able to calmly sit down and talk about it, and allowed him to ask questions, things progressed a lot better and faster.
Reward progress. My husband and I have taken baby steps over the last 2 years. I always tried to reward progress, and I still do. After he spanks me, I am always completely submissive and affectionate. All I want to do is cuddle and love him and I do exactly as I am told. He loved this part of spanking me. In the beginning, I would also reward him with something sexual. What man doesn’t want a blow job in exchange for a good spanking?? If you reward him with something good each time he spanks you, he is going to be more inclined to do it. . .make sense?
I’m not sure if this will help anyone, but I see a lot of posts from women wanting to be in a domestic displine relationship or simply wanting their partners to spank them. It was a very long road for me. . .probably a lot longer than most women would want to have to wait, but we did finally get there and we have a very functional domestic discipline marriage.