I have been having a rather hard week and I have a lot on my plate at the moment. I got recent news that my biological father isn’t doing well and have made plans to take a trip to Georgia to visit with that side of my family. I have a lot of conflicting emotions with the situation because this is a man that I haven’t spoken to in over 2 and a half years.
Last night, I came to bed with a frown on my face and my husband offered to spank me. My husband knows that spankings can be a big release for me, but he has never asked me if I wanted a spanking when I was feeling sad or anxious. I nodded. He had me retrieve the hanger and lay on the bed. He left my panties on for the majority of the spanking. He didn’t say much while he was spanking me this time, and this was probably the best I have taken a spanking in a long while. He spanked me hard, very hard. It was exactly what I needed though.
I buried my face in the pillow and moaned, sometimes nearly screaming. It hurt. The hanger made a silent slap each time it connected with my bottom and I gasped with each stroke. My husband would alternate between severely whipping my bottom and rubbing it. His hands felt so good on my stinging flesh. He commented on the texture of the welts cascaded across my bottom, but he continued to spank me. Eventually I was sobbing into the pillow, yes crying. He continued to spank me. This was the point he needed to bring me to, and he knew it. Even when I begged him to stop, he told me “Just a few more.” He gave me another 15 hard swats, and then he was finished. He rubbed my bottom for a long while and held me close.
Finally, I got up to put away the hanger and he had me get my butt plug and the lube. He filled my bottom with the plug and held me close beside me. He told me to just keep it in and think about it for a while as he fell asleep beside me.
I have never really cried from a spanking. Not to say that I haven’t been spanked hard or made an effort to cry, but it hasn’t happened yet. Could it be that I don’t feel bad enough for what I had done to deserve a spanking? Or that I am still not being spanked quite hard enough? In my opinion, my husband spanks me quite hard. He also lectures me the majority of the time he is spanking me, which always makes me feel ashamed. On occasion, he will spank me hard enough that my bottom is quite black and blue, though that doesn’t happen often. The spankings I am given usually cause me to whine, squirm, beg, and apologize, but never actually produce tears. The other day I was spanked because I had back tracked on one of my goals. My husband and I have been very busy that last week or two and we have really slacked on the yoga. He wasn’t going to punish me for it because of how hectic it had been, but when I told him I had also gained back a few pounds he thought that I deserved it. He didn’t spank me too severely because my goal was to lose 5 pounds each month and the month still isn’t over with yet, but I had back tracked. He had me on all fours on our bed with my pants and panties down while he spanked me with his hand. As I have said before, sometimes his hand can be the worst implement of all and this time he spanked me quite hard. He didn’t use any other implements, but he didn’t have to. I tried my hardest to stay still, I knew I deserved the spanking I was receiving and I tried to take it well. It wasn’t easy. By the end of it, however, I had started to tear up. I can’t say I was crying, but I had a few stray tears. I can say that I felt worse about back tracking on one of my own goals, especially this particular one, than I sometimes feel when I break a rule and get punished. I would really appreciate feedback on this one. Is crying during a spanking more of an emotional response from the guilt and shame you feel? Is it a response to the pain from the spanking itself? A combination, perhaps? Or is it something completely different? Since my punishment for back tracking on my own weightloss goal I have lost 2 pounds and I am well on my way to meeting my goal this month.