What is Domestic Discipline?

IT IS NOT ABUSE!
I see a lot of comments on forums saying that domestic discipline is abuse, or an excuse to abuse your spouse. This is so far from the truth. There is definitely a fine line between discipline/punishment and abuse, but my husband does not abuse me. My husband and I spent many months discussing what we wanted out of this relationship and lifestyle prior to really indulging in it. Not to mention, I was the one that suggested it. My husband punishes me because there are behaviors that he and I would both like for me to change. He does it out of love, not out of anger or hate. My husband loves me very much and was reluctant to spank me because he didn’t want to hurt me. He does it now because he sees how it relieves stress of both of us, he can see the difference it makes, and it has only brought us closer together. He is not hitting me anywhere other than my bottom and thighs, he will leave marks, but he has never made me bleed. That isn’t his intent. After each spanking, he holds me close and tells me how much he loves me and reminds me that he spanks me out of love. Does that sound like abuse?

Yes, he does spank me. Yes, that can be considered “hitting.” Yes, it does hurt and sometimes there are bruises. BUT, I feel that I need it and we love it. I trust my husband to know when he has spanked me enough and not to take it too far, and he never has. We talk about why I am being spanked and make up goals and rules together. Domestic Discipline has done nothing but bring us closer. We trust each other so much more, and communicate much better now. Not to mention, sexually it’s a huge turn on for him to dominate and spank me.

I have also read that women involved in these types of relationships “must have a low self-esteem.” This is not the case either. I have a high enough self esteem to want to better myself. I love the person that I am, but I know that no one is perfect and everyone can do better. My husband is just helping me to do that. I want to be the best person I can be not only for my husband, but for myself as well. I don’t feel that I need to be hit because I am not good enough or because I am a woman, I feel that every once in a while I need a spanking because I want it, it relieves stress, and it helps to keep me on track of my own goals!

I believe there is a lot of “grey area” in domestic discipline. I have read other definitions of domestic discipline that say that the only form of punishment involved in domestic discipline is spanking and it should only be done with the HoH’s hand. . .that shoe doesn’t fit for us. As far as punishments and rewards go I think it is whatever works for the couple. My husband and I like corner time, anal punishments, light humiliation, etc. We also don’t usually have sex after a punishment. There are times when we just can’t help ourselves (we’re young and in love, what do you want?), but for the most part we try to keep punishment and sex separate. We also use several different implements. My husband’s hand is very big and he is very strong so as you can imagine a hand spanking from him is quite the spanking, but I have a high pain tolerance and we like to mix it up a bit. When my husband uses a hairbrush or a paddle, not only does it hurt more than his hand, but it doesn’t hurt him as much either so he is able to go for longer.

I’m not saying that domestic discipline is right for everyone. Just like not every type of punishment is right for everyone. It works for us, and we’re happy. I just wish people would be a bit more open minded or tolerant of other people’s decisions and lifestyles.

I am not religious, but I do believe that a wife should submit to her husband. I don’t feel that I am equal to a man, nor do I want to be. That doesn’t mean I deserve to be treated like dirt or that I am less of a person than a man, I am just different. I am a woman. I am strong in places that my husband is weak and I am weak where he is strong. We compliment each other. We’re not supposed to be the same. I find that life flows a lot smoother when my husband and I work together as man and woman, with different jobs and roles than if we were constantly competing for control and power. My husband is in charge, but I have a big say in every decision and my thoughts, opinions, and feelings are very important to our family. My husband goes to work, I stay home with the baby. When I knowingly don’t do what I am supposed to do, I get punished. He doesn’t spank me because I have a different opinion or something silly like that, he spanks me when I disobey a rule that we have both agreed on. It’s pretty simple and we’re very happy.

So, now that you know that domestic discipline isn’t abuse, a cry for help, or my low self esteem, what is it? It’s love. It’s trust. It’s communication. It’s a release. It’s discipline. My husband loves me enough to take the time to make rules that we live by, and punish me when I break them. He knows that I want to behave and he helps me to do so. I love my husband enough to want to be the best wife and mother possible. We trust each other to make the best decisions for ourselves and each other. I trust him to not punish me beyond what I can tolerate and he trusts me to tell him when I misbehave and how I am feeling about things. We communicate everything to each other. From discussing rules and goals to punishments. This wouldn’t work if we couldn’t communicate what we wanted and expected out of each other and this lifestyle. It’s a huge stress reliever to be punished. I’m not sure I can articulate why, but it is such a release of stress, guilt, and anxiety. I always feel so much better after being punished. There are always consequences for your actions, so why not in the home as well? If I get in a bad mood and decide to take it out on my husband, why shouldn’t he take me over his knee and remind me that is disrespectful and unnecessary? I’m not saying that hitting is the answer to everything, because it’s not. We choose to do it as punishment in our marriage and it works because we have definite limitations and guidelines that we have discussed and agreed upon.

As I said, I’m not trying to sell domestic discipline. It’s not for everyone, but it is for us. I just want people to understand what it really is instead of jumping to conclusions like abuse. This is how domestic discipline works for us, I think it’s different for every couple and we’re still learning and changing. I’m not going to come up with a definition for domestic discipline because there is so much gray area that it would be a paragraph instead of a sentence. In short, it is what you make it! Feedback is always appreciated.

12 thoughts on “What is Domestic Discipline?

  1. Christy says:

    My husband and I are developing rules to begin our own DD relationship. I’m nervous though. I want to please my husband and submit to him. Can you give me any help with how to start this? Thank you

  2. Lissa Wawrzynski says:

    I am in a D/D relationship and i have no problem with it.i have been getting spanked regularly for a few yeas and i have changed a lot. I no longer smoke, stay out all night, no overspending, but am working on other things

  3. czop says:

    My husband always liked to spank me erotically. After about 10 years of marriage it was clear that we were in trouble. He worked long hours and I was saddled with most child care, housework and also worked at a physically demanding job part time. This led to anger, resentment, loss of caring and bad behavior on my part. He eventually started giving me real spankings for this bad behavior and attitude about him and my wifely duties. In the beginning I was spanked hard almost daily for about a year. After wards about twice a week for several years. Always with big paddles and belts on the bare bottom. My attitudes and behavior greatly improved and I fell in love with him once more. We are now married 30 years. Our children have grown and moved into their own adult lives now. He is still a good provider and I am a loving wife. We look out for each others health and love our time alone together. We have a very active sex life.DO I still get spanked? Yes, a few times a week for erotic reasons. Almost every Sunday night before he goes to bed (he goes early on Sundays) he gives me a disciplinary maintenance spanking with a paddle and his belt downstairs in the den. I have not gotten a punishment spanking in years, that’s how much his loving authority has taught me. Women being spanked by there husbands is very common and always has been. These days it is just kept more quiet because we are all supposed to be so liberated. It can be abusive when done by the wrong man and wonderful when done by the right one. Women should be selective about who they marry. Don’t allow yourself to be abused because there is a difference. Don’t judge people in a DD marriage. It works for as many as it doesn’t. If I asked him not to spank me anymore he would stop. I would never want to take from him the loving and intimate gift of my submission. I would never want to lose the gift of his loving guidance, protection, and authority. I thank him for caring enough about our family to decide to spank me instead of divorce me and for leading me back to the path of a happy marriage with a good man. Just sayin….

  4. kandi says:

    My bf and I have read a bit about this, we think it sounds fine. I have a big tendancy to talk back, I have been told im defiant. I agree. I met him at the gym he taught a bootcamp class, later became my personal trainer, then my bf for the last 10 months. I read that receiving a spanking weekly helps keep order and builds a strong bond and trust. I trust him to spank me as he feels fit. I love the way he is dominant, hes sweet and cuddley but harsh when needed. I have never been a total submissive to anyone, but with him it just comes naturally. I am pretty sure I will be receiving my first punish spanking this weekend, im curious to see how it works, all though he has pulled me over a couple times and swatted my bare butt a few times very hard to the point of tears, so if he can spank that hard with 5 swats, I cant imagine receiving 20 or more. I have to mention he is a body builder and strong as an ox, and im 5ft 2in and weigh 128, wish me and my bottom luck.

  5. Davina Gonzales says:

    I love it. Im 26. When I was 20 I had a boyfriend who got me into spanking for pleasure. . I thought I was weird like why would you have someone hit you and leave bruises. Than my mom saw something on my computer advance she freaked she said all that spanking is the work of the devil. But I dont think so. Recently with new guys in my life I approach them with spanking and they freak but i recently went on a spanking website and I found my “soul mate” he lives in a different state. But he understands and he is not a creep about it he is funny..understanding… easy to talk to his name is Scott. I can wait to see what holds for us. But although we talked about spank for foreplay we discussed spanking for discipline and like you say when you just want one for no reason at all to relieve stress… thank you for writing this I want this in my marriage

  6. John says:

    My future wife and I have agreed to give one another mutual spanking privileges. When we first got together, she was exclusively submissive, but now she enjoys giving almost as much as receiving. Thus far, we limit our implements to hand, hairbrush and paddle.
    When we marry, we will limit our spanking activities to one another. Right now, we are theoretically free to play with others, but do not actually do so.

  7. 1950princess says:

    i AGREE!!! I too have read a lot of articles saying it is abuse. I even read an article lately saying it is a cult! We live a very, very happy Domestic Discipline life and in no way am I abused. We have a website and would love you all to take a look. http://www.domesticdisciplineuk.ning.com
    Princess xxx

  8. Paloma says:

    I’m also in a dd relationship. It works for us, brings us closer together and creates an unbreakable bond. Not to mention, keeps peace for us. I would love nothing more than to share our experiences with u or others but haven’t found a place to do that. Briefly, my rules include no cussing, no lying, taking care of duties at home & being respectful. My husband has used many different implements and has whipped and spanked me to where I was soar for a week! Please let me know it u wuld like me to share any stories. Thank u

  9. michael kiely says:

    Shortly after I started going out with my future wife, she told me: “I want you to cane me me.”…..I asked why, and she said she enjoys discipline. So I starting caning her regularly…..When she lied about taking my brother to the marital bed and having sex all night without a condom or Pill, I told her I was going to give her a severe thrashing. She accepted that and I caned her as hard as I could. She cried and then said: “I’m sorry Mikey” and we made passionate love immediately afterwards. She learned her lesson.

  10. The Radical One says:

    “I am not religious, but I do believe that a wife should submit to her husband. I don’t feel that I am equal to a man, nor do I want to be. That doesn’t mean I deserve to be treated like dirt or that I am less of a person than a man, I am just different. I am a woman. I am strong in places that my husband is weak and I am weak where he is strong. We compliment each other. We’re not supposed to be the same. I find that life flows a lot smoother when my husband and I work together as man and woman, with different jobs and roles than if we were constantly competing for control and power. My husband is in charge, but I have a big say in every decision and my thoughts, opinions, and feelings are very important to our family. My husband goes to work, I stay home with the baby. When I knowingly don’t do what I am supposed to do, I get punished. ”

    Well said. I believe in God but am not the religious sort. Women should obey their husbands and husbands should be responsible for their wives (financially supporting, protecting and taking legal responsibility for them). My cause and blog has nothing to do with DD, but I do believe that a husband should have the right to discipline his wife if he needs to (within reason of course). I don’t believe a wife should have authority over the husband, though.

    I just read this article and wanted to comment. Nice posting. I too stay home and submit to my husband and never in my life wanted to be “equal” with men. Only a foolish woman would want such a thing.

    Keep up the good work.

    -The Radical One

  11. chester says:

    my wife spanks me with a paddle or a cane what ever i feel like i need at the time , i love it & it hurts really hard but it also feels good. sometims i want her to stop but i let her keep spanking me , i only wish that she would do it more often. people need to be spanked, even as adults.

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